Communicating Authentically

A friend once asked me to give a lecture on communication. I initially said yes, but I threw the question back at him. Why could he not give the lecture himself? Looking at me innocently, he answered: “I can’t. The only communication I knew is communication gap.” That was a joke, of course, that left us both laughing.

At any rate, that witty remark left me thinking afterwards. I reflect on the quality of communication I have with people around me and I realize how easy indeed it is to create this communication gap. There are many factors that can contribute and nurture this failure in communication. One of these factors is the inability for most of us to listen and to give time to others. Many times I have experienced it myself especially when I am burdened with paperwork and there’s a deadline to meet. Another reason is there are those among us who talk too much and cannot stop to listen. Some people are really blessed with a mouth that can utter words 80 km/hour. These people thrive in this saying: “I talk, you listen.”

There are other factors that contribute to failure in communication but in my own experience the reasons I cited above are the most basic why communication and, consequently, relationships break down. Listening goes together with communicating. They are two sides of the same coin. Unless we learn how to listen, we won’t be able to communicate authentically.

Silence is an important quality of attentive listening. Unless the heart and the mind keep silent while in the process of listening, the person will find it difficult to enter into the situation of the other.

The presence of mass media technology in our midst does not in any way, help solve this problem of failing to communicate authentically. It some cases, the technology even aggravates the situation since it contributes more noise and in some extent even isolates us from others.

At the heart of every successful undertaking (whether it is relationship or anything else) is the ability of the person concerned to communicate effectively with those around him or her.